The Purple Pumpkin eaters is coming to eat all you motherfuckers

The funniest shit I've seen in a while...this shit lets you know that crack corrupts the mind...

btw it's a new crack rock coming out...it's purple rock...

Girl Crush #2

I know tons of people love her and such, probably for her boo-tay (i've got my own, no need to lust)
But I think I like Kim K. for the most weirdest things

Like she shops on ebay, that definitely makes me feel better that I know someone else gets their fly for the low low.

She looks ugly just like the rest of us when she cries.

And she got famous by giving someone horrible head. I mean seriously, who makes millions just by being horny--besides porn hos.

And plus her effin makeup is always on effin point and never looks like she's knockin on the door of being 30.
And for that she will always be a bad bish in my book.

I would love to be a dairy cow

this is the reason why...

See I have this friend...

And he's a FUCKING IDIOT (I say that with love by the way). I told him I wasn't going to use his name...so I'mma stay true to my promise. He's done a lot of dumb shit for this girl, for all intents and purposes...I'mma call her Le Bitch...cause that's what she was...A Bitch.

Anyway, he's done a lot of stupid shit for Le Bitch (love is a hellova drug...Stronger than Cocaine, Heroin and Meth) so much shit to the point that I don't remember most of it. I've actually told him he shouldn't have fucked with her from the beginning...but did he listen to me? No, they never do. Any who...I'm currently on the phone with him and he happened to tell me that when he and Le Bitch celebrated their one year anniversary, HE TOOK HER OVER HER EX HOUSE! I don't understand...so please explain this to me...

Why does love make people do dumb shit... (btw we are in consensus that that was some dumb shit right?)

The Princess and the Frog

Y'all know Disney coming out with a new movie called the Princess and the Frog so I mentioned it to Lizzy that she had to take her neice...this is the conversation that happened afterwards

Me: Aye Liz you gotta take Chub-Chub to go see the Princess and the Frog

Lizzy: If it ain't Barney she ain't fucking with it

Me: Man you gotta take her tho this shit is monumental. This is the first Disney movie with a black main character

Lizzy: Yeah it's the first one but why she gotta turn into a frog?

Me: Look fuck all that. At least they aint make her turn into monkey. We making strides nigga

Really my dude? Twilight??

There are grown ass women out here getting wet whenever they think about Edward Cullen and I'm sick of the shit. The guy is dead...pale...and dead...it's fucking Necrophilia people. His dick is gray and decrepit he probably has maggots instead of earwax. Lizzy says "He wasn't dead. He was about to die and then the guy bit him" Therefore suspending him in eternal life...but he's fucking dead...if he can't die, then he's dead.

That was my rant...I'm done

Fucking Orajel lady

I hate this damn lady's voice...you don't need to open up your mouth so wide.

"Orajel tells my toothache...YOU'RE GONE"

I hate you lady...I cringe every time I see your large mouth